I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
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I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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