something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
