The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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