I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
