It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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