I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
