You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
