Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
