Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
