I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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