It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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