She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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