Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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