it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
