don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
