Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
