I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
