If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
