Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
