Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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