when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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