your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
