I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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