We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
