According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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