So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
