I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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