I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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