went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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