I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
