When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
