yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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