I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
