So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
