new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
