he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
