i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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