If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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