i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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