another moral hangover. fuck.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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