She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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