I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
