when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
