I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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