OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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