The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
