i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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