Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
