saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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