Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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