I faked an abortion last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
