just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
