Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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