I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
