Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
