Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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