did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
