This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
