umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
