ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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