I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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