i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
