my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
