At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All the doctor said was why
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
